Mmhmmm...no literary innueondos there. My eyes really hurt. Haven't been sleeping well these past few days, maybe I'm excited at the prospect of waking up in my own new home, and not have to look at dirty dishes in the sink in the morning in my old one. I am exhausted. Exhausted and ridden with guilt, with poignant questions in the flow of "What the hell am I doing with my life, what the hell am I doing here?" alternating with "I'm soooo lucky, I shouldn't complain, I should shove my PhD down a certain somebod(ies) throat for not believing in me and forcing me to domesticate myself" (and no, these people are not my family, they have been fantastic in supporting me, especially my mum) it's a wonder I can keep my eyes closed long enough to have blurry dreams that seem to reflect what I'm feeling.
Something has gone horribly wrong. I don't know what's going on, everything is picture perfect but there is an undertone underneath that can burst open real soon. I hope that when it does blow up, I will still be standing on my own two feet and not clinging to someone for help. Depressive? Yes. Manic depressed? Maybe. Crazy? No. Lucid. Yes,maybe,no, sometimes.
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