No one is reading (well maybe except for ghosts)

Hahaha what's the point of writing when no one reads? My teacher once said "We writers have big egos, when we write, we'll usually show them off" Precisely. But it doesn't count if you have a compulsion to write about something at 3 am in the morning. For example : When it's cold at night, and the blanket is the only thing that keeps you warm, you would want to write about : The Blanket that Kept Me Warm (which I bought for $20 reduced from $50) that sort of thing.

Like anyone would be interested to hear about that kinda crap.. Anyway, I have officially moved in (as in unpacked almost everything) and still I'm feeling quite uncomfortable. I'm missing my old house at Munro St, no matter how filthy, or how disgusting, it WAS my first home overseas.

What I AM happy about, is I feel like I'm home (thanks to the 9 unread books that I bought which I'm going to devour as soon as I can) and I can gloat over all my worldly posessions. I used to gloat about my laptop, now I can gloat over my hardcover and paperback novels sitting prettily in them cabinets. And yes Tsue, Farah, and Teds, the book sale here is absolutely insane. Everything is under $10( that is under RM 30).



Including the hardcovers, the bigger version paperbacks (ok that's it I'm going out today to find more books). Seems books are the only thing that can make me happy, seeing as this is the only thing that didn't change ever since I was still wearing pinafores and reading 10 Enid Blyton books per week because of jakun.

I LOVE BOOKS

There was once a girl
She loved books
"I love books!"
She had books for shoes
She had a book for a hat
She even read a book for her cat
"I love books!"

She had a bag shaped like a book
And when she went to bed
Guess what she dreams about?
Books of course!

Adapted from Sesame Street " The Girl Who Loved Books"
Sorry if it's not up to standard rhyme, I fleetingly remembered it seeing as I only have heard it once.

My Eyes Hurt

Mmhmmm...no literary innueondos there. My eyes really hurt. Haven't been sleeping well these past few days, maybe I'm excited at the prospect of waking up in my own new home, and not have to look at dirty dishes in the sink in the morning in my old one. I am exhausted. Exhausted and ridden with guilt, with poignant questions in the flow of "What the hell am I doing with my life, what the hell am I doing here?" alternating with "I'm soooo lucky, I shouldn't complain, I should shove my PhD down a certain somebod(ies) throat for not believing in me and forcing me to domesticate myself" (and no, these people are not my family, they have been fantastic in supporting me, especially my mum) it's a wonder I can keep my eyes closed long enough to have blurry dreams that seem to reflect what I'm feeling.

Something has gone horribly wrong. I don't know what's going on, everything is picture perfect but there is an undertone underneath that can burst open real soon. I hope that when it does blow up, I will still be standing on my own two feet and not clinging to someone for help. Depressive? Yes. Manic depressed? Maybe. Crazy? No. Lucid. Yes,maybe,no, sometimes.

Proposing a proposal

Ahahhaa...back to scientific writing. My supervisor, Assoc Prof Greg Skilleter has given excellent advice on how to write a proper proposal, and it is unfortunate I'm so slow..(sorry Greg) I'll try my best to improve, and hopefully publish some papers for that small moment of fame (and fortune?)



Anyway, I MISS HOME. Malaysia..my dear sweet Malaysia. Although your tropical heat can kill, I'd rather much be back where I belong...my heart will always and forever will be, with you..

Wildlife at Gunung Jerai

Misty Korbu

View from Gunung Jerai

FRIED EXTRA CRISPY

I'm sitting here in my office with Anthonie (from the Netherlands, and he's REALLY REALLY TALL) and thinking..when was the last time I had fried chicken extra crispy? Then I remembered that it's actually my tired mind making a connection (which is REALLY BAD) to the state that it's in (extra crispy) to some tired piece of chicken sitting on a plate somewhere (which is really not that bad), but I digress (I hate this phrase and can't understand why people endear it upon themselves to use it all the time, it's saying "like" before each point you want to make, for e.g "I feel, like I dunno, like really fat in this like, you know what I mean, like?")

I am tired. Not enough sleep. Mortality has caught up with me in a sense that I can't stay up anymore. I can't process 20 journals a day like I used to when I was young (that was 2 long years ago, *sigh).

It's getting really spooky by the minute. The office stays quiet after 5, and all the stuffed animals outside my office seem alive somehow, I got to thinking that maybe that Kookaburra birdie just blinked at me for no reason, and what's really scary is I'm thinking to myself that it's normal (spooky huh?) Or maybe the taxidermist is just really talented that you don't notice the difference between dead and live bird (brrrrrrr!!!)

Anyways I better get back home before I freak out any longer. SCARY. If in Malaysia you'll have all this horror stories "Oh this room used to be a morgue, etc..or this place was a hospital once bla bla bla" it's ingrained in you to suspect any moving shadow in the hallways, any form of sound (poor cricket I thought u were a psycopath wielding an axe). Maybe here there are no hantus..hopefully not...ok back home and don't look back, WHAT'S THAT?! kidding kidding..

Read read read Write write write

It's been officially 4 months since I've arrived on the shores of Brisbane (more accurately, estuary up river). I have been accumulating masses of journals to read, and so far I've only been able to read a quarter of it..The brain is an interesting thing, everytime something even remotely academic comes up, it starts to deviate you into doing something else entirely unacademic..maybe I should write a story entitled "The Makings of an Academic Brain" then slap myself with it and refer to it as a manual per se.

Hahaha I'm feeling like I lost a huge part of myself mainly because I haven't started writing anything for a long long time. Not even those dodgy short horror stories where there are more ghosts than people, and lest we forget (farah, tsue, yeen) the indomitable story of viruses attacking people and the only cure is FAT people; a classic which I almost submitted to Mr Raymer's class which was hilarious because it's not a hate fat people thing, because I myself was fat, still am (although not as much hopefully). HILARIOUS. I should start writing again. Hmm...Maybe then the academic brain will be jealous and give a kick to it's sorry state of a butt and start working properly..Heh heh..

A Foreign Place in A Foreign Time

I am now a full fledge student in the University of Queensland, being independent in this vast sea of humanity and knowledge. It is normal to feel loss, being away from family, but I will get adjusted to it, or at least will try to in the next few weeks.

It's strange how much you miss something when you know it isn't readily available to you. I miss my friends, family, weather (it is scorching here in Brisbane) and I am now stocking up on sunscreen.

Perhaps this is only the beginning, the syndrom that we all have when being away and faced with the unfortunate grim reality that you will be away for a long time from your roots. I understand now what root means, and how significant it is to give you some form of support and balance that we need so desperately in our lives.

Again, this is merely the surface, the next post could very well be full of fun and games, we will see. Until then, selamat malam..